Addicted to spicy crunchy tuna roll from Wasabi. Funny how much I disliked sushi before, I guess the new found clarity of life extended to my taste buds.

A season

Once, if I remember right, my life was a celebration where all hearts were open and all wines flowed. One night I sat Beauty on my lap, And I found she was bitter, and I called her names. I found weapons to use against justice. I ran away. Poverty, hate, you witches, my treasure was left in your care. I managed to wither all human hope inside me. I attacked like a wild animal, and strangled every joy. I call for executioners, I wanted to perish, chewing on their guns. I called for plagues, so I could suffocate in sand, in blood. Unhappiness was my god. I lay down in the mud, and dried off in the crime infested air. I played the fool unti lI was really crazy. And by spring I had the scary laugh of an idiot. -

We have never been as happy or as miserable. Our quarrels are portentous, tremendous, violent. We are both wrathful to the point of madness, we desire death. My face is ravaged by tears, the veins on my temple swell. His mouth trembles. One cry from me brings him suddenly into my arms, sobbing. And then he desires me physically. We cry, and kiss. And the next moment we analyze and talk rationally. It is hysteria, in cooler moments I wonder at the extravagance of our feelings. Dullness and peace are forever over.

so i won't forget

dopamine
norepinephrine,
not yet the last component.


i'll hang my cloak when it gets too cold. i'll hang my cape when it's virtually complete. once it is created i will hang it on the hook you've made. after it's sewn. after the sizable buttons are appointed. once the book shelf is resurrected. after the wood is finished climbing. when the wall paper is slightly yellowing, after henry and june. later in the afternoon, inside the molecules.

rags

"You know that she's half crazy
But that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind."

Walking to work today, admittedly for the first time in several days. This comes to mind, I know in all my deliria I have something to offer. I know apposing my severed past and my violent clenched fists I deserve an opening. My feet hardly have enough gaul to life up from my knees, my mind has no desires, my apathetic fingers won't muster the strenght to move. I'm forcing, i'm numb, i'm sad, and torn down, and washed out, left behind, changed, hurried, vacant. What can I say my lover, my killer. All awful cliche's asides, that there that's not me, i go where i please, i walk through walls float down the levy. i'm not here this isn't really happening.
i guess i'll just be gone, a former, a shell, withholding.
it's only dry breath only tear stained cheeks only feelings only only only nothing. push back move up don't move, force force force keep bearing, kicking, sit down, be quiet, grin through grin keep grinning. wipe it off your face, push me it far away. less on, lesson, lesson, lesson. stop. lesson

you appearing

I am an official employee of the Artvoice. My paper travels the likes of buffalo, passing Grand Island and making it's way down towards Fredonia. Craig, my boss, is amazing He is everything I want to be. I will be making money, enough to survive and keep my f21 addiction intact. I walk to work, i move in stride, we move together faster in the right direction,
Summer is a lovely person who i wish I could spend endless amounts of time with, she's one of the most genuine ladies I've ever met. Kayta is perfection! I've been missing female roots. I've only shared menial time with her, roof top love affairs, but I know it's so spot on. She's delicate and pure and kind and thoughtful and creative and all around lovely. Right now I feel so content. Everything is sunshine&rainbows&puppies&daisies&bikebaskets.
I'm an adult, with a fulltime job, with a growing creative mentality, with money to spare, ladies to picnic&cuddle with....... This feeling is so odd, new, and fulfilling. I've finally purged all that is negative from my life. You appearing, releasing, it's Allentown and May again.

little eddie little eddie!

omgstfuomg! laaaaaaaa blaaaaaaaah i love this i love this i want this i love this.