come on over

abuffalostance.blogspot.com

we found this wonderful little gem off root five. hiked down a semi beaten path to panoramic bliss. bathed in sun, reading garden of eden. drank our freshly purchased Niagara wines. European in it's feel, a wonderful staycation.

And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?

nearly a year later, you're still spinning.
well spin, spin away limp little spider.

Spent most of the weekend cooped up in suburban staycation. Strep, flu, plague had gotten the best of us. Sunday champagne tradition was not lost. Although not entirely sold on day quill champagne spritzers. In lazy sick tradition watched Vicky Christina Barcelona (which upon it's forth viewing is still as brilliant and evoking of why my life had to change, sorry skip) Choke, and 2 days in Paris. He enjoyed it as I knew he would considering my recommendation several months before. Successfully grilled indoor last night, leaving the tasty smoky particles on our skin for sleep. Thrifted some pretty slips with bow frills for love time, and a interesting Marie Antoinette inspired painting with a lovely white antique frame. (OH! And please do try the vietnamese pancake (from saigon bangkok , an absolute delight.)

I'm looking forward to Spring, bike riding, picnics, sundresses, ridding myself of translucent skin. Spending less money and more vacationing. I can't wait for my garden, maybe a kitten, lemon ade pitchers and c. A summer move will be most satisfying. In like a lion right?

opus

perhaps this is the first formal experience of loneliness. i don't know if that is the right way to phrase it. not truly because I am scared of admittance, but i don't know if loneliness necessarily describes it. i know what i do not feel. i don't feel empty. i don't feel terribly angry. i don't feel sad, well not very sad. it's just this tiny itching feeling. this little uneasy ball of muscles, wax, knot, that sorts of lays inside me. i do not always feel this, actually maybe i DO always feel this. i guess i cannot really tell. all i can describe it by is, well, say you have a tickle in your throat. and you think if you swallow, have a drink of water, drink a cup of tea, or some more water, it will dissipate. it doesn't. so you give up on all those other distractions, but you keep swallowing, you keep trying to get some sort of saliva, something to ease the nagging itch, the scratch.
you know in time it will heal, or you will just abandon your cold all together, perhaps even abandon your own infected throat. that's the only adequate description i have. maybe it's a heaviness of the heart. maybe it's all of this and some or less.

i imagine my keyboard is a piano key. and every stroke of my fingers brings a delightful noise, noise that so freely flows it becomes a melody, it starts of darling and ends in ghosts.

I'm as giddy as a teenage girl. The corners of my lips hurt from smiling so much. I don't know who I've become, life is whimsical. Today I am Alice, I am my other half. We are so closely intertwined my smile carries over. Elated, lurve, it really is wonderland.

Addicted to spicy crunchy tuna roll from Wasabi. Funny how much I disliked sushi before, I guess the new found clarity of life extended to my taste buds.

A season

Once, if I remember right, my life was a celebration where all hearts were open and all wines flowed. One night I sat Beauty on my lap, And I found she was bitter, and I called her names. I found weapons to use against justice. I ran away. Poverty, hate, you witches, my treasure was left in your care. I managed to wither all human hope inside me. I attacked like a wild animal, and strangled every joy. I call for executioners, I wanted to perish, chewing on their guns. I called for plagues, so I could suffocate in sand, in blood. Unhappiness was my god. I lay down in the mud, and dried off in the crime infested air. I played the fool unti lI was really crazy. And by spring I had the scary laugh of an idiot. -

We have never been as happy or as miserable. Our quarrels are portentous, tremendous, violent. We are both wrathful to the point of madness, we desire death. My face is ravaged by tears, the veins on my temple swell. His mouth trembles. One cry from me brings him suddenly into my arms, sobbing. And then he desires me physically. We cry, and kiss. And the next moment we analyze and talk rationally. It is hysteria, in cooler moments I wonder at the extravagance of our feelings. Dullness and peace are forever over.

so i won't forget

dopamine
norepinephrine,
not yet the last component.


i'll hang my cloak when it gets too cold. i'll hang my cape when it's virtually complete. once it is created i will hang it on the hook you've made. after it's sewn. after the sizable buttons are appointed. once the book shelf is resurrected. after the wood is finished climbing. when the wall paper is slightly yellowing, after henry and june. later in the afternoon, inside the molecules.

rags

"You know that she's half crazy
But that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind."

Walking to work today, admittedly for the first time in several days. This comes to mind, I know in all my deliria I have something to offer. I know apposing my severed past and my violent clenched fists I deserve an opening. My feet hardly have enough gaul to life up from my knees, my mind has no desires, my apathetic fingers won't muster the strenght to move. I'm forcing, i'm numb, i'm sad, and torn down, and washed out, left behind, changed, hurried, vacant. What can I say my lover, my killer. All awful cliche's asides, that there that's not me, i go where i please, i walk through walls float down the levy. i'm not here this isn't really happening.
i guess i'll just be gone, a former, a shell, withholding.
it's only dry breath only tear stained cheeks only feelings only only only nothing. push back move up don't move, force force force keep bearing, kicking, sit down, be quiet, grin through grin keep grinning. wipe it off your face, push me it far away. less on, lesson, lesson, lesson. stop. lesson

you appearing

I am an official employee of the Artvoice. My paper travels the likes of buffalo, passing Grand Island and making it's way down towards Fredonia. Craig, my boss, is amazing He is everything I want to be. I will be making money, enough to survive and keep my f21 addiction intact. I walk to work, i move in stride, we move together faster in the right direction,
Summer is a lovely person who i wish I could spend endless amounts of time with, she's one of the most genuine ladies I've ever met. Kayta is perfection! I've been missing female roots. I've only shared menial time with her, roof top love affairs, but I know it's so spot on. She's delicate and pure and kind and thoughtful and creative and all around lovely. Right now I feel so content. Everything is sunshine&rainbows&puppies&daisies&bikebaskets.
I'm an adult, with a fulltime job, with a growing creative mentality, with money to spare, ladies to picnic&cuddle with....... This feeling is so odd, new, and fulfilling. I've finally purged all that is negative from my life. You appearing, releasing, it's Allentown and May again.

little eddie little eddie!

omgstfuomg! laaaaaaaa blaaaaaaaah i love this i love this i want this i love this.

i re-edited that below. i have no desire to reminisce any longer.
i have something great, that i hold dear.
all is well.

what we got on our hands is a dead shark

what SHOULD i say, what do i say to THAT, man.
much too cold
NOPE
cannot physically make the move,
get the proper footing
move one leg, in left pant leg. force two mittens, one monstrous scarf, long sleeves, a thick fur parka
lock the door, walk the block or two, get cheapest varietal....
let's get the blankets,
okBUFFALO YOU WIN!
this is what my heart feels like!






fuck you, it's two degrees. i resent you floorboards. squeaky mattress.
i'm allowed to go a bit mad.

halloween part 1

ensembles and costumes

There are several possible costumes running through my mind, and I must settle on three since there are at least three days of costume parties and revelry.
this is what i have to far,
for saturday events

possible friday themes,


and
bonnie parker, if greg ever decides to be clyde.

thoughts suggestions?

October 17th Look Book

right on aggy



and my impending halloween costume,

daily look book

currently channeling grey gardens;




and there you have my entire fall waredrobe,
cheers!